A Month of Goodbyes. I Will Remember You
Moseyed to Galaxy Hut after work to hang w/ my Cellar Boys & to see off a longtime friend Shelby who's moving to Switzerland today w/ his fiance'. Also caught some groovy tunes from a dj named Matthew if I remember correctly. It was nice sitting at the bar, enjoying a beer (ok, a cider) & some fries like a regular. Chillin' wit da homies. Tedd stopped by and we all shared record store crazy customer horror stories. Also my friend Andy came by and it was great to see him, I hadn't seen him in over a year. He thanked me for the postcard I sent him last year when I was in Australia. Sending postcards rule. Get on my mailing list, you'll see how much I enjoy it, even when I'm not traveling.
Shelby's on a plane today. I was a roadie for his band about 7 years ago, near this time in 1998. Oops, that's almost 8 years. 6 weeks of fun, disappointment, and driving. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. That was the 1st time I'd made it all the way to the west coast and those 2 weeks in LA, Cali, Oregon, Seattle, Vancouver & Kelowna were the best of the tour for me. Since then I've only seen him sporadically, hung out with him rarely, but I still consider him a good friend and a pretty freakin' talented individual.
Of course I said goodbye to Warrenton (at least on an everyday-sort of basis; it's not the kind of thing I'll be able to escape fully, I still have a family of friends there with whom I'm close + the occasional familial visit), but I'm not at all sentimental or reflective about that, at least not at this point.
An acquaintance/friend of mine, met through other friends is leaving at the end of the month. Really good guy, I don't honestly know him that well, but well enough to feel the departure, so I'm wanting to send him off with a cool mix cd. It seems likely our paths won't cross again so if any contact occurs it'd be electronically, which is fine.
There are others. With all the additions and newness in my life, lately I've been feeling the "losses" / subtractions. This is always the case. I hang on, I roll it in my hands and examine more closely, seeking nuances and details previously missed. I rarely can just let go easily, even small things, peripheral "objects" & events. I have to have that one last intake to solidify memory, even knowing it will still fade. And I want to be remembered, as if I could even really control it or known that at various points in the future I'll somehow feel them thinking of me and actively wanting to do something about it.
And yet there is much of my life (objects, memories, connections) I've in the even recent past sought to purge, erase from my core. Not all of it was even bad. Most of it, actually was neither good nor bad, but definitely part of me. Part of my clinging and collecting allow things to accumulate weight and that weight becomes a burden and I do not move forward.
So I seem a contradiction. It's the same kind of things, events, connections that I on one hand want others to remember of me so vividly that on the other, in the past I've tried to forget so many times. Individuals have changed and that makes a big difference, obviously.
I miss people. I love it and I hate it. I mostly hate it when I can't resolve it. If I can see or talk to you then it's great to miss you when you're not around. If not, then it weighs on me. I miss my grandmother, her last words to me, "Hi, Tony" through a haze of pain & medication. I miss some people I talked to last week. I'll miss people that have made an impression but are still part of my everyday. It's a beautiful thing to carry someone around within you. It's a weight, but not always a burden and it can often be a lift. I often derive energy from the thinking of others. Everyone does.
Life changes almost daily. Connections remain but evolve. We adapt. Sometimes very slowly. It's so beautiful outside. Inside it's beautiful also, but much more complicated.
Welcome back to Allison, an amazing individual I'd lost track of briefly (slightly more than a year). Lost track of, but never forgot. There are many of you I've known years and several I've known less than the width of a season that are wonderfully unforgettable.
Shelby's on a plane today. I was a roadie for his band about 7 years ago, near this time in 1998. Oops, that's almost 8 years. 6 weeks of fun, disappointment, and driving. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. That was the 1st time I'd made it all the way to the west coast and those 2 weeks in LA, Cali, Oregon, Seattle, Vancouver & Kelowna were the best of the tour for me. Since then I've only seen him sporadically, hung out with him rarely, but I still consider him a good friend and a pretty freakin' talented individual.
Of course I said goodbye to Warrenton (at least on an everyday-sort of basis; it's not the kind of thing I'll be able to escape fully, I still have a family of friends there with whom I'm close + the occasional familial visit), but I'm not at all sentimental or reflective about that, at least not at this point.
An acquaintance/friend of mine, met through other friends is leaving at the end of the month. Really good guy, I don't honestly know him that well, but well enough to feel the departure, so I'm wanting to send him off with a cool mix cd. It seems likely our paths won't cross again so if any contact occurs it'd be electronically, which is fine.
There are others. With all the additions and newness in my life, lately I've been feeling the "losses" / subtractions. This is always the case. I hang on, I roll it in my hands and examine more closely, seeking nuances and details previously missed. I rarely can just let go easily, even small things, peripheral "objects" & events. I have to have that one last intake to solidify memory, even knowing it will still fade. And I want to be remembered, as if I could even really control it or known that at various points in the future I'll somehow feel them thinking of me and actively wanting to do something about it.
And yet there is much of my life (objects, memories, connections) I've in the even recent past sought to purge, erase from my core. Not all of it was even bad. Most of it, actually was neither good nor bad, but definitely part of me. Part of my clinging and collecting allow things to accumulate weight and that weight becomes a burden and I do not move forward.
So I seem a contradiction. It's the same kind of things, events, connections that I on one hand want others to remember of me so vividly that on the other, in the past I've tried to forget so many times. Individuals have changed and that makes a big difference, obviously.
I miss people. I love it and I hate it. I mostly hate it when I can't resolve it. If I can see or talk to you then it's great to miss you when you're not around. If not, then it weighs on me. I miss my grandmother, her last words to me, "Hi, Tony" through a haze of pain & medication. I miss some people I talked to last week. I'll miss people that have made an impression but are still part of my everyday. It's a beautiful thing to carry someone around within you. It's a weight, but not always a burden and it can often be a lift. I often derive energy from the thinking of others. Everyone does.
Life changes almost daily. Connections remain but evolve. We adapt. Sometimes very slowly. It's so beautiful outside. Inside it's beautiful also, but much more complicated.
Welcome back to Allison, an amazing individual I'd lost track of briefly (slightly more than a year). Lost track of, but never forgot. There are many of you I've known years and several I've known less than the width of a season that are wonderfully unforgettable.
posted by Afterlife at 1:58 PM
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